Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
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