I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
