I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
