I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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