9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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