No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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