I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
