I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
