I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
You are a genius and a whore.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
