I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
accomplished twins. life is a go
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
