He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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