Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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