just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
