I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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