It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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