I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
