I puked a lego.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
