Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
