brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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