thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize