I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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