She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
