So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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