new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
We left the knife in your bed.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
