is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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