Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
