This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
there was a trapeze. enough said
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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