Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
