She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Randomize
