wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
