margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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