i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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