Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
