ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
