Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I love having hate sex.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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