K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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