During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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