Already got asked if we're dating
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
