I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
