I faked an abortion last night.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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