i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
