ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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