he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
