i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
