you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
