I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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