So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Randomize
