I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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