Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
It was like giving head to a cactus.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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