We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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