On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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