Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
