Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Welp...herpes.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
