so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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