Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
