I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
