Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
