thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize