drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize