hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
