u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
