Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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