I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize