i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
My pussy is not your playground.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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