Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Randomize
