Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
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