Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
