what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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